Brands Are Not Your Friends

What is a parasocial relationship—or at least my interpretation of the first Google definition? It is used to describe how regular people felt psychological, emotional connections with people they saw in movies or on TV. Yeah, like those Twilight Zone episodes. Now it describes the unrequited friendships customers feel for online personalities; especially, business owners, influences, and online celebrities.

I just re-discovered this word used by multiple commenters in a [insert popular dress company here] Facebook group. The thread’s OP was hurt that the dress company’s owner was no longer in the group, nor did she have time to return her DMs or comment on her IG posts. Why did the owner change? She used to be so nice….

The owner is busy M A K I N G M O N E Y. If you’re invested enough to buy, tag, share, re-buy, review, recommend, and join a fan club of her business, she’s essentially done her job with you and everyone else with your same enthusiasm. She’s not mean or stuck-up, she’s just spending her 100+ hours a week maintaining her brand, following her passion, and directing her next big project to keep everyone interested.

Imagine if you had to personally answer every question, fluff every ego, or put out every fire of the most enthusiastic customers at YOUR job. While you may be responsible for the quality of your work and the representation of your brand, you can’t do it all. Obviously, the owner of the company you work for can’t even do it all.

There’s a reason customer service departments and marketing agencies exist, and it’s to support the mass production of incoming, excitable customers who need more attention than the average buyer. Even if that attention is good, positive feedback and engagement, a person running production doesn’t have time to retweet every cute photo of the item they sold you. It’s a time issue AND a mental health issue.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t get excited when your favorite online senpai notices your content. They (or at least someone on their team) found you across the whole interwebz (with a listening tool) and that’s super cool! I’ve been there a few times myself, but it doesn’t mean that Estelle is my buddy. I don’t expect her to remember that I paid to take a selfie with her at a convention. Cartoon Network doesn’t owe me anything for cosplaying from Steven Universe or even for buying the show’s soundtrack. They create to sell things and I support those things so that they can keep creating. It’s a BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

Some creators are hobbyists and don’t care about engagement or money. That’s it. They still don’t owe you their friendship because you like their stuff, and vice-versa. A consumer of your stuff isn’t your friend because they automatically spend money on you. It really makes you think about what a Facebook “friend” really is, huh?

Ok, don’t let that put you through a “friends-istential” crisis. If anything, it means you have that many fewer holiday cards to write and wedding invitations to send. Networking, marketing, freebies, kind words, and pretty photos—all of these are important tactics to boosting one’s business or hobby. But do not take every interaction (or lack thereof) personally!

I recall the founder of Her Universe, Ashley Eckstein, answering a question at an SDCC panel, ironically asked by the owner of Darling Army. I won’t recall it perfectly, but the general ask was “How do you manage a work-life balance, especially as work is picking up and your family is growing.” The answer was basically: “You have to say goodbye to some people.”

Her Universe was recently acquired by Hot Topic the year I saw the panel, which meant licensing deals, production increases, and fashion gods know what else that entailed! Eckstein said that for a year it was basically her husband, children, and ONE friend that she ever talked to outside of business associates. It doesn’t sound very fun, but it’s relatable. Big projects leave little to absolutely no room for distractions. But imagine the milestones she reached and reunions she was rewarded once she reached her goals!

I mean, we have to imagine, because we’re not her friend and wouldn’t have been invited to said reunion anyway, so…

Obviously, I’m over overexaggerating the “not friends” thing. We all have friends (or maybe we are the friend) who were met through creative projects or business plans. We chat, DM, meet for coffee, or even party together. What we’re NOT gonna do is demand attention beyond our boundaries or, even worse, reference our casual relationship when resolving transactional issues. That goes for customers AND brands.

You having a bad personal day does not excuse how you communicate a shipping delay. Your follower count does not magically change the scope of a return policy. Working with Beyonce doesn’t give you the right to demand free products, promotions, labor, or time from anyone else.

Read the terms. Consult customer reviews. Save the receipts (the invoice kind, not the tea kind—though both have power these days).

If you’re running a business, even if you can’t do it yourself, have someone dedicated to monitoring your engagement, keeping your terms and conditions updated, and applying constructive feedback from your customers. There will always be upset customers, and sometimes it’s due to an issue that you could have avoided. Create a script or assign a process for investigating and handling issues, then move on.

Yeah, anyone currently working in customer service is cussing me out because it’s NOT that easy. But, even if customers are loud and obnoxious, the rules are the rules. And how good does it feel when you to reach either harmonious customer clarity or V I N D I C T I V E resolution? Pretty good, if I recall.

In conclusion, be a smart shopper or a smart brand. If you can’t be either, assign someone who can help you. Have I reviewed products for friends to make sure they weren’t walking into a sub-quality disaster? Absolutely. Have I written responses to negative customer service comments to avoid potential PR disasters? Yep.

Will I make those services available for the masses to avoid being inspired to write this much again…?

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